Hi friends, happy Friday! How are you all?
Have you read about Dia Mirza’s wedding from a few days back? What I found remarkable about it is that she took a brave and much-needed initiative to make a few changes in the whole way an Indian wedding works.
There was no pomp and no show in her wedding. A close, intimate and sustainable (eco-friendly) ceremony with a female priest and thankfully, no obsolete ritual of kanyadaan.
I am proud that 15 years back, my parents did not ‘’give’’ me away either. There was no need. No approvals were needed, no one protested and no one cared.
I am very much interested in our ancient wisdom and teachings of Vedas. I read a lot on it and though I cannot claim to understand even 1% of this ancient wisdom, I do know that “giving away” a daughter as a “daan (gift/donation)” and relinquishing any claims on her, is mentioned nowhere. Mentioned or not, this one ritual never made any sense to me. No, I am sure that I would not understand any symbolic or spiritual reasons/explanations behind it, have read them all already! 🙂
I am my parents’ daughter and I would always be so. Just because I get another family through marriage doesn’t mean I need to forego my first one. I am always welcome at their place, they at my home and I am here to take care of them, if and when need be. I bet they will do the same. Period.
There can be no ‘punya or moksha’ in “giving away” your precious daughter in my mind and there can be no bigger sin than demanding dowry as well as female-infanticide . I am pretty sure I can collect better karmas and punyas in many other ways 😊.
As per ancient Vedas, bride’s as well as grooms’s consent was must for a wedding and both of them entered the marriage ceremony as equals. There is no mention of kanyadaan anywhere in the Vedas. The first mentions come in Manusmriti and from here, a woman’s place in society started changing a lot. The less said in that regard, the better.
I personally believe in gender-equality and there have been plenty of situations when I held the door open to a man carrying heavy bags or gave my seat to a man carrying a baby. Good manners always look beautiful, regardless of gender or colour.
To me, a marriage or a family is about sharing things/responsibilities with your partner. Everything can be worked out with love, mutual respect and encouragement. There is no way a marriage can be called happy or successful if one of the partners, feels or is made to feel inferior in any way.
Any ritual that does it, should be made obsolete. May be it would be, soon. There are a lot of good things in our value system and traditions but it’s also high time we stop following those that put the gender-equality or humans-equality to risk.
That’s all for today, friends. Hope you agree to what I say and even if you don’t, it’s okay…the world would not change overnight. But, I am hopeful and I would #bethechangethatyouwant.
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Till next Friday
Love, Health & Peace